You shouldn't have to choose between authenticity--being your full + wonderful self--and attachment. You should be able to find people who fully love you--and even delight in you--and provide you secure attachment. This is especially true in childhood! As a trauma therapist in Oakland, CA, I often see clients who suffer from codependency, people pleasing, low self esteem, and attachment issues--strategies that arouse when they needed attachment and their authentic selves were rejected.
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As a couples therapist in Oakland, CA, I commonly see how reactivity keeps couples in frustrating loops of conflict. Read more about how your implicit memory impacts relational conflict.
As a trauma therapist in Oakland, CA, I see many clients who experience an inner critic, from intense self criticism to cruel self-hatred. I encourage an empowering reframe: self-hatred has kept you safe, and protected you from intolerable feelings and experiences-- vulnerability, mistakes, accountability, disappointment, reckoning with trauma--but do you still need to be using self-hatred as a tool?
As a couples therapist in Oakland, CA, the most annoying thing I say in therapy sessions is "that's a thought, not a feeling." [inset SpongeBob mockery meme] This is why I say that...
As a trauma therapist in Oakland, CA, I get this question a lot: did I really experience trauma? Trauma is an emotional and physical response to a major stressor (or series of stressors), typically where one feels powerless.
Something stressful, annoying, sad, scary, and even triggering is not traumatizing *unless* there are lasting psychological and/or psychobiological impacts. It is important to distinguish so people with trauma get the care they need. Don't get me wrong--when things suck, that matters, too, but you may need a different level of care, processing, and treatment. Many people with trauma experience intense dysregulated anger and other dysregulated emotional states. During these moments, traumatized people often feel they have little control and feel shame after coming back to emotional homeostasis. I'm a trauma therapist in Oakland, CA and though I know next to nothing about comic books, I think Dr. Jacob Ham's metaphor using The Hulk is perfect for describing what a lot of trauma survivors experience.
As a couples therapist in Oakland, CA, I recommend this podcast episode from Therapist Uncensored all the time: Ping Pong Vs. Catch: Turning Communication from Competition to Connection. So, I decided to make a little comic to demonstrate the idea!
As a couples therapist in Oakland, CA, new clients are often curious about what happens in couples therapy saying, "I know how regular therapy works, but what about couples therapy?"
I find myself describing some of the less common impact of trauma to my clients as a trauma therapist in Oakland, CA. Childhood trauma can result from a wide range of experiences, including but not limited to:
A superbill is a detailed receipt you can submit to your insurance provider to seek reimbursement. You pay your therapist directly and are reimbursed a portion by your insurance later. More about my process with superbills here.
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AuthorStephanie Bain, LMFT Archives
April 2024
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***Resources are not a substitute for therapy and are not intended for making diagnoses or providing treatment. Not all practices and tools are suitable for every person. Please discuss exercises, practices, and tools with your individual therapist or health care provider.
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