Self-Compassion Won't Make You a Bad or Unsuccessful Person

If I got a dollar every time someone told me they need to continue to be harsh and critical to themselves...

As a trauma therapist in Oakland, CA, a common difficulty for my clients is their harsh internal dialogue. Usually, this self-talk comes with an absolutely never speaking to others this way. This harsh self-talk and treatment is self-protective. It comes from the belief that in order to be loved, productive, safe, a good person that need a harsh authoritarian to keep themself in line. It's worked until now, but I would like to offer another way...

Self compassion helps individuals to be kind and understanding towards themselves when they are experiencing difficult thoughts, emotions, and experience. This can lead to a reduction in negative self-criticism and an increase in positive self-regard. Research has shown that self-compassion is associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, and stress, as well as increased well-being, happiness and life satisfaction. Here's a Stanford study. Self-compassion can be a key part of healing complex trauma (or c-ptsd).

Self-compassion can INCREASE accountability by helping people recognize and acknowledge their mistakes and shortcomings without becoming overwhelmed by feelings of self-criticism and shame. When individuals are self-compassionate, they are able to view their mistakes and failures as part of the human experience, rather than as a reflection of their personal worth. This allows them to take responsibility for their actions without becoming overly self-critical. Self-compassion can also help individuals to learn from their mistakes by encouraging them to be honest with themselves about what went wrong, without becoming paralyzed by self-doubt or fear of failure. By taking this approach, self-compassion can help individuals to develop a more resilient and growth-oriented mindset, which can lead to better problem-solving skills and improved decision-making. More on that. 

Self-compassion will not make someone less productive because it actually promotes a sense of motivation and engagement. Self-compassion allows individuals to understand their mistakes and shortcomings without feeling overwhelmed by self-criticism and shame, which can lead to feelings of hopelessness and demotivation. Instead, self-compassion provides a sense of emotional support, which helps individuals to be more resilient and persistent in their efforts to achieve their goals.

Additionally, self-compassion promotes a growth mindset, which encourages individuals to focus on the process of learning and self-improvement, rather than the outcome. This can lead to a more positive and proactive approach to problem-solving, which can ultimately increase productivity.
​
Self-compassion also allows individuals to take a balanced view of their performance, which can help them to maintain a healthy work-life balance and avoid burnout. By being kinder to oneself, individuals are less likely to experience feelings of stress, anxiety and depression, which can negatively impact productivity. Instead, self-compassion can lead to better mental and physical well-being, which can enhance overall productivity and effectiveness.

An exercise to start thinking more compassionately. 

To dive in deeper, check out Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff. 

self-compassion